Totally Secular 12-Step Recovery with IFS

Sadly for those of us who like to think we’ve come up with something new and innovative that must be shared right this second, there is the internet. Where it’s already been thought of and shared.

It happened when I was reading and thinking about co-dependency recovery (currently via Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More Workbook--I love me a good workbook). Beattie rather brilliantly recognized codependence as an addiction of its own, and based her model on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. But I found myself struggling, as many do, with the model’s God-language.

It occurred to me, an Internal Family Systems enthusiast, to try replacing “God” with “Self,” and “I” with “parts.” And I found that it works beautifully.

(As does a Buddhist rendering of the 12 steps, which you can find here.)

So I searched for “IFS 12 steps” and, of course, it’s been done, beautifully, by IFS therapist and author Derek Scott.

What I like about removing God and inserting Self is that it reframes recovery as something any of us, no matter our level of agnosticism, can do, right now. It does not require a belief in any kind of “higher power,” but simply the awareness, easily experienced through mindful meditation, of the inner Self, which we can tap into whenever we are quiet, calm, and focused.

You can read the following thinking “addicted parts” or “codependent parts.” (The model also works with any internal struggle--”anxious parts,” “self-hating parts,” etc.)

IFS-BASED 12-STEP COMPLETELY SECULAR RECOVERY

We…

1. Admitted we were powerless over our extreme parts—our craving or addicted parts, our need to control others part--and our inner lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that our unblended Self (our Buddha nature, our universal consciousness, our wise mind) could restore our peace of mind.
3. Made a decision to turn our life over to the care of the compassionate, clear, calm and centered Self, with permission from our extreme parts.
4. Made a non-blaming, non-shaming inventory of our reactive parts, lovingly witnessing and calming their fears and anxieties.
5. Admitted to Self and to a compassionate other the exact nature of our extreme and vulnerable parts’ unhelpful behaviors.
6. Were entirely ready to introduce our reactive parts to our Self as the primary caretaker of our inner family.
7. Worked (perhaps with our therapists) to unburden these parts and to allow them new, more productive roles in our inner system.
8. Identified those we hurt when our extreme parts were triggered, and cultivated a willingness to make amends.
9. Made direct, Self-led amends to our important others, except when to do so would cause further harm.
10. Continued to identify and accept our triggered parts as they arose, and acknowledged this work with important others.
11. Sought through mindfulness, meditation, and sometimes therapy to awaken our awareness of and access to Self-led energy.
12. Introduce mindful, Self-led awareness and compassion practices to others when asked, and practice these principles in all our affairs.