Hold Your Own Dang Self Tight

I'm reading Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight, a distillation of her Emotionally Focused Therapy interventions for couples to read and use themselves.  

While I appreciate and myself use EFT techniques to strengthen attachment between couples, I do also believe that we have to get over any deep dread of loneliness/being alone.  That's just not good, and puts a lot of stress on another person: ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME, EXACTLY AS I NEED, OR ELSE I'LL DIE!  We all have to learn to attach to ourselves. 

So I've rewritten Sue Johnson's "ARE you there for me? Quiz" to help you think about whether or not you've developed this kind of relationship with yourself.

Am I There for Me?

Based On:  Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (2008) Dr. Susan Johnson

Read each statement and choose T for true and F for false. 

ACCESSIBLE: From your viewpoint, can you access your feelings and needs?

1. I know how to pay attention to myself. T / F
2. My emotions are easy for me to access. T / F
3. I come first with myself. T / F
4. I do not feel lonely or out of touch with myself. T / F
5. I am aware of and care about my deepest emotions. T / F

RESPONSIVE: From your viewpoint, are you responsive to your needs?

1.  If I need connection and comfort, I can give myself that. T / F
2.  I know when I need self-soothing. T / F
3.  I can soothe myself when I am anxious or unsure. T / F
4.  I know that I am important to myself and I will find a way to solve my problems. T / F
5.  If I need reassurance about feeling confident and like I matter, I can give it to myself. T / F

​ENGAGED: Are you positively emotionally engaged with your needs?

1.  I feel very comfortable being alone. T / F
2.  I can get in touch with feelings that I may not be comfortable with without turning on myself. T / F
3. I do not rely on others to take care of all of my emotional needs, such as feeling safe and comforted.  T / F
4.  I care about my own joys, hurts, and fears, and do not minimize or dismiss my happiness or my suffering. T / F
5.  I feel secure enough with myself to take emotional risks with others. T / F

Now count your number of "true's". 

7+ you are on your way to being securely attached with yourself.

Less than 7, you may have work to do establishing your safety and security in the world based on your self-reliance and self-compassion.